How High-Achieving Women Accidentally Sabotage Their Growth — And How to Lead Like a Woman With Business Energetics
- Vanessa Ann Miller
- Jul 31
- 7 min read
Updated: Oct 22
Table of Contents:
You’re an educated, high-achieving businesswoman. So why does it feel like—no matter how many courses you take, offers you tweak, or strategies you implement—money still doesn’t overflow the way the spiritual gurus, online marketing bros, and hustle-and-grind influencers promised it would?
You’re doing what you’ve been told are the “right” things, following proven frameworks, tweaking your offers, staying consistent, but who’s to say those strategies were actually designed for you and your real life? What works for someone else’s lifestyle, energy, or priorities might be the exact thing burning you out.
What if the problem isn’t your offer or your work ethic, but that the way you’re doing business doesn’t match how your mind, body, and energy are wired to operate? What if the strategies you’re following were never actually built for your rhythm, your season of life, or your version of success?
The missing piece is energetic alignment.
I know, sounds woo-woo. But it's not.
I’m talking about something super practical. Are the decisions you’re making in your business actually right for the way you work, how you feel, and what you value? Or are you trying to follow someone else’s roadmap that doesn't fit your life, your energy, or your priorities?
In this post, I’ll unpack why so many high-achieving women—despite investing in their personal and professional growth still find themselves exhausted, second-guessing, or stuck.
Because while it's a good thing that you're diving into personal development to improve your skills, your DNA still holds onto an old memory: that mentorship used to mean control. That it was about grooming women to follow rules, not break them. It prioritized obedience over originality, self-sacrifice over self-trust, and performance over personal truth.
Studies show that our brain stem carries the operating systems and beliefs of up to 14 generations. Which means if you're feeling resistance to asking for help or hiring support, it might not be a mindset issue. It might be inherited.
And yet, we live in a new time. With a different context.
As a Houston business coach who blends mindset, strategy, and nervous system work, I help ambitious women stop overworking and start leading with clarity, structure, and self-trust.
The Old Way: Groomed to Be Good
For centuries, mentorship was about shaping girls into “good” women who followed rules and avoided rocking the boat. Back then, being a woman meant:
Marrying well, not making money
Keeping quiet, not challenging the system
Sacrificing your needs, not advocating for them
That legacy lives beneath the surface in how our body responds—not just in our stories.
Modern epigenetics research shows that severe stress and trauma can leave chemical marks on DNA (called DNA methylation) that influence gene expression, and those changes can be inherited by children and grandchildren.
Studies on descendants of Holocaust survivors have found altered methylation in stress-response genes (such as FKBP5), linked to increased risk for anxiety and PTSD (research.va.gov, PubMed, The Guardian).
Research with multi-generational Syrian refugees shows methylation changes associated with war trauma passed across three generations.
Experiments in animals (like mice conditioned to fear a scent) confirm that traumatic adaptations in the brain and stress responses can be passed to offspring, even when those offspring have no direct exposure (Nature, The Guardian).
So if you catch yourself overgiving, apologizing for your prices, or holding back ideas? It’s not just you; it’s old programming.
And now? We’ve overcorrected.
The Pendulum Swing: From Obedience to Over-Functioning
After generations of being silenced and underestimated, we’ve swung hard to the other extreme: hyper-independence.
We tell ourselves:
“I should already know how to do this.”
“I’ll just watch another YouTube video.”
“Asking for help means I’m weak or behind.”
We avoid hiring coaches, mentors, or assistants, not because we don’t need the help, but because we’re terrified of feeling dependent or judged.
In your life, it might look like this:
You carry the entire load—at home, in business, and emotionally—even when help is right there, waiting to be asked.
You find it hard to clearly ask for what you need, especially in your closest relationships, because you're so used to being the strong one.
You push yourself past your limits, then feel bitter or burned out, but instead of giving yourself grace, you blame yourself for not being better, faster, or more productive.
And if you’re honest, you’ve felt the ripple effects:
Your health? You’re constantly tired, your hormones are out of whack, and your nervous system is stuck in overdrive. You’re wired but exhausted.
Your habits? You start with a bang, motivated, energized, full of ideas. But then? You crash. You scroll until 2 AM, pour that extra glass of wine, and binge-watch Netflix because your brain is fried. You skip meals. You tell yourself you’ll get back on track tomorrow but tomorrow never brings the clarity you’re chasing. You buy another course, try a new planner, tweak the strategy again, when deep down, you already know what to do. You just don’t trust yourself to follow through.
Your self-concept? You look successful on paper, but deep down, you question if you really know what you’re doing. Impostor syndrome is loud.
Your relationships? You say you’re independent but secretly feel resentful. You do it all yourself, then feel isolated and emotionally shut down.
This is an indicator that you were taught to survive, not receive.
These aren’t personality flaws; they’re inherited defense mechanisms. And they will quietly sabotage even the most brilliant business strategy if left unchecked.
The Ways We Rationalize Not Getting Help
Even the most ambitious women fall into this. You might:
Put off hiring a business coach because you think needing help means you’re failing
Avoid mentorship because you’re scared of being told what to do or losing creative control
Delay hiring an assistant because you think you should be able to handle it all
You’re running your business from survival mode—overthinking every move, burning out behind the scenes, and still not getting the results you want. Because if you could’ve figured it out all on your own, you already would have.
So you rationalize overfunctioning. You believe your independence is a badge of honor, but it’s also your cage.
While you pride yourself on being independent and resourceful, the truth is that independence might be rooted in fear, not power.
Fear of being disappointed. Fear of being misunderstood. Fear of giving your trust to someone who doesn’t truly see you.
You’ve inherited a blueprint where being mentored used to mean giving up freedom, identity, and voice. A blueprint passed down from generations where women were groomed to serve, not to lead. To stay quiet, not to challenge, even your limiting beliefs!
Now you’re trying to run a modern business while dragging an outdated operating system, and it’s costing you your energy, your peace, your clarity, and your health.
This isn’t a strategy issue. It’s an energy issue.
The kind that shifts when you stop running your business like a girl still waiting to be approved and start leading like the woman who knows she’s already worthy.
The Modern Woman’s Mentorship Map™
Old-school mentorship was built on obedience. Modern mentorship is built on ownership.
Let’s walk through the four phases of modern business energetics—where feminine and masculine energies work together to help you build something sustainable.
1. The Unlearning
What got you here won’t get you where you’re going.
This is where we ditch the habits that secretly sabotage you:
Saying yes when you mean no
Overdelivering to avoid rejection
Hustling to prove you’re “good enough”
You learn to spot the patterns that keep you stuck in burnout or feast-or-famine.
2. The Remembering
Its time to start removing labels and beliefs that were never yours to begin with.
You remember who you were before you outsourced your power:
A creative, strategic thinker
A woman who leads from her gut—not people-pleasing
A CEO who sets real standards and sticks to them
You stop trying to fit your business into a template that was never made for you.
3. The Rebuilding
Structure = safety = more money and more freedom
You finally stop winging it and build real systems:
Clear offers
Simple sales processes
A calendar that respects your energy
This is where masculine structure holds your feminine creativity so you stop leaking time, money, and confidence.
4. The Sovereignty
No more waiting for permission. You lead.
You’re not just checking boxes, you’re building your vision.
You:
Trust your timing
Sell from truth, not pressure
Make decisions without spiraling
And when business throws you a curveball? You don’t crumble. You lead through it.
Girl vs. Woman in Business: A Side-by-Side Comparison of Business Energetics
How a Girl Shows Up in Business | How a Woman Leads in Business |
People-pleases to stay liked | Sets standards to be respected |
Avoids being seen or visible | Stands in her message with clarity |
Second-guesses decisions | Makes purposeful decisions with ease |
Waits for validation | Approves of her own direction |
Hustles to prove worth | Works from self-trust and intention |
Tries every strategy to get it right | Creates custom strategy that works for her |
Afraid to ask for help | Builds support systems without guilt |
Operates from survival | Leads from stability and sovereignty |
If you recognize yourself in the "girl" column, don’t panic. Your subconscious is just expressing that you’re just ready for the next level.
When you shift out of survival and into sovereignty, you stop running your business and start owning it.
This is what business energetics looks like in real life. Not fluffy inspiration but real tools, habits, and mindset shifts that help you grow without losing yourself in the process.
And if you’re ready to stop running your business like a to-do list and start leading it like the woman you actually are, reach out.
This is the work I do every day as a Houston-area business coach, helping women step into deliberate leadership.
No more performing. No more proving. Just clear, grounded, powerful growth on purpose.
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